Really, boring? Too boring for the media, obviously. After all, baby asks, mum offers, baby nurses, baby and mum get on with their day. Boring and normal.
So if you have to talk about it on air…quick guys, find an angle. Is it child abuse? Are there really any benefits? Are we making mothers feel guilty? Do we really need to see it in public, in fact, see it at all? Or talk about it? Or think about it, for that matter?
Come on researchers, I need an angle. Make it controversial! I have to interview some boringly worthy “breastfeeding expert” any minute now. I bet she’ll sound like my Aunt Joan – all cardigans and hairy legs. My listeners want titillation, they want sensation, they want to feel ‘up in arms’ about everything they hear!
What’s that you say? Some sleb has called breastfeeding supporters ‘breastapo’? Yes, that’s it, that’s my angle! I’ll ask her if women are being forced to breastfeed. I’ll ask her if women are being made to feel guilty. Ooh, I’ll even ask her if formula feeding women in hospital should be forced to be in the same ward as breastfeeding women, being made to feel bad as they watch smug mums breastfeed their greedy babies. After all, if they’re called the ‘breastapo’ that reminds everyone of the Nazis, so shouldn’t we ghetto-ise breastfeeding?
What else? Oh yeah, I know, what about I accuse the NHS of with-holding food from babies by not providing free formula.
I’m sure all that will prove to my listeners that I’m on their side. Well, most of them. Some will just reflect on the depths of ignorance to which we have sunk.
